How the hell did I get here, and why is everyone telling me to see a therapist?

It's been forever. Not that I suppose many people have graced these pages. Good. This is an occasional past time for me, but I believe that I will be writing in it more now that I have been dumped. Have I been officially dumped or am I just Assuming? Assuming of course. That is my second favorite past time and during time.

My friend Jess, who also has a blog on here, has inspired me to blog again. Of course she will most likely be one of the only people that I tell about this Blog site. So what happened today?

Well, I left my girl friends house, and she didn't really seem to care that I was leaving. I felt the coldness in the air, and decided to go out where it was warm. I had on my cashmere jacket. Cashmere is thick and heavy, and I like it. I wonder if they had cashmere in dickens time? After leaving and hitting the side walk, I thought about T____'s and mine's last encounter. Over the last couple weeks she has become less and less interested in me it seems, and I have become crazier and crazier around people in public.

For example, the other night we went to a friends party in Brooklyn. I was already in a bad mood because of work, and the fact that T_____ had invited people to come with us didn't help the situation much. Of course the whole situation, my melencholyness, and me ignoring these people on the way to the party was inexcusable and completely my fault. However, when will I find a woman that understands me?

So, we get to Brookie-lyn and I call a friend to find out where the party is. T____ is mad at me because I am ignoring her and her friend, and she starts verbally assaulting me and saying things like, "Do you even want us here? Do you even want us to come to the party with you?" 'No.' I thought in my head, but did not have the courage to blurt it out. I was already thinking about the girls in there that I could possibly hit on, and was now loosing the opportunity because my so called "girlfriend" was with me. Why so called?

Well, we have never actually really talked about the status of our relationship. Bits and pieces here and there. Is it necessary to talk about the relationship between two people? Absolutely. Does it happen in my relationships? Not very often. Is this because I am a coward, a jerk, or a scared bastard? Probably a little of all three.

So, we are at the party, and I start my craziness right off the bat. The man of the hour, it is his birthday, introduces me to his lady friend, and an other girl Casey. Instantly you can feel the chemistry between Casey and I and we start talking immediately. Perhaps she gets my rye, sarcastic, dramatic, morbid sense of humor right off and maybe not. But she talks to me for a while, and I feel very confident that she likes me. I definitely was into her, and was trying to think of ways of not telling her that I had a girlfriend. Of course, when I introduced T_____ I did not say that she was my girlfriend. What an asshole right?

Well, I feel the guilt today. She has not called me today, and probably won't. Dragging on relationships is a good idea. If you are sick of somebody, end it and move on. This is not what I did, and I will pay the price. In fact I am. I would like to think that I am a good guy, the Adam Sandler type, but who knows. My friends, well wait. What friends? Pity party, no. Do people call me to hang out. Not really. Then again, I don't really call anyone to hang out either. Anyhow, the people that I know are discombobulate, and are in separate loops, in separate locations, spread out across the globe, and I keep them separate. Why do I do this?

I am not sure and that has been the on going question of the day. Why did I keep T_____ hidden from my family? Was it because I was embarrassed that she was my girlfriend? Nobody asked me really, and I think it stems more from the fact that I have had so many girlfriends in the past that didn't pan out, who I introduced to my family, and I didn't want this one to be the same. Rather, I didn't want to introduce someone that was just going to leave me anyway. This, subsequently was probably not the best way to look at things either.

If you think that a relationship is not worth introducing to your love ones, then it is not worth being in. More likely it is worth being in, but you are being very rude, and inconsiderate of both parties. Not introducing people to other people, shows a lack of courteously. Man...I feel like an idiot.

Ok, that's enough of that for now.