Dog Bites or Paper Cuts

There use to be a rhyme and rhythm...

2006-08-26T05:31:00.000-04:00

It's 5:26am and I am still having problems sleeping. I haven't even started working yet, and already every morning I wake up at about this time. Usually around 3:36am. What the fuck. Hope no kids find this site. Or maybe I do. Maybe they will find it and learn what not to be. I mean, this is like the fifth, sixth, tenth, twentieth night in a row that I have waken up stressing at odd hours of the night.

And it is always odd, never even.
Ok, maybe 4:30 once.

Either way, one little thing that a friend said yesterday to me and I am loosing my mind. I am supposed to start this job next week, and he says to me, "Well, I guess that the art has finally lost."

I guess I don't have to worry about anyone reading this either, because I don't even pay attention to my own blog.

It's like a child that you raise to the age of five and then abandon.

Holy shit. That was me. I was that five year old kid. My father raised me until I was five and then he abandoned me. Why?

Maybe the answer to that I will never know.

Not that I have to worry again, because noone is reading this blog. And if they are, then they are sicker then me, and that makes me scared.

Self diagnosis is never a good idea kid. I should make an other podcast. Oh well. Play the saxophone? I guess I am not really sure what I am supposed to be doing anymore.

Where is my Hero?

2006-08-08T00:19:00.000-04:00

Hello Everyone!

Who is reading this! Please god, let some strange fait bring a hero my way.

I need help. A brother. Someone to help me put up a show this Sunday in the west village.

I need 4 15 minute shows, or some assembly of shows that equals 60 minutes.

The whole process will be SNL style. All the material will be looked over on Tuesday, actors picked on Wednesday and start rehearsing, show on Sunday. Sound like fun? Sound intense? Well, if you know me you know that I am intense.

Give me a jingle if you are interested.

B The Money Machine

Does Grapes start with a P?

2006-07-09T13:49:00.000-04:00

The second day of our lord, crash and burn and scorn my mother.

I need a new hard drive. One of those ones that plugs into the Fire Wire port. What's it called. an I.I.E.E. 4.1 port, or something like that?

Can I buy an other vowel please?

I played scrabble yesterday, and totally kicked Lauren's ass. She and the other girl I was playing against thought they were so much smarter then me, and I scored a 154!

The last time I bowled I scored a 148.

I am watching a wasp sting a green bug to death and now it is manching on it's face. It just flew away. Imagine if wasps were the size of humans. We would be screwed.

So, I have started to write in my blog more regularly because I have become increasingly jealous that my friends, and GF are reading other people's sights, and they find them funnier then mine. BoooHoo. I need to figure out how to post pictures, and then I will really be the coolest.

Here's a photo of me acting all professional like. Yea. Who would have thought I could look so clean. But why didn't he tell me that my tie was all crooked?

Ants are crawling on my ankles now and biting me for no apparent reason, other then I am sitting here. Little bastards.

What the hell Happened To Bill, the Wild Wonder Dog?

2006-07-08T16:55:00.000-04:00

Ok. My girl friend seems to have a sickness. It is called, I CAN"T TELL WHAT COLOR DRINKS ARE. It could be the abnormally large classes that she wears on her heaD, that cause her color schema detecting devices to work properly.

Here's the case:

The drink, greatful dead at Charlies in Amehrst, MA is purple. She seems to think it is Pink. Are you insane Woman?

This is going to the ring!

This is going to the pool side.

To the Pool Cue.

To the edge of the world.

And where ever you may wonder, where ever you may be, I will find you and dismantle your bomb of time distortion. Which allows you to eat all the Hershey's kisses that you want.

Hershey's is made with sour milk, BTW, because the soldiers from WWII like it that way.

Everything we do in this country is because the soldiers from WWII like it that way.

Well, now it is what the Chinese want.

It is true, Majority, excuse me, Minority rules.

Except in the Hamptons.

There the minority rules, except there the minority is the majority.

The majority drives a Ferrari...

In Vermont, Where there is an other large concentration of the Minority Majority, they also Drive Ferrari's...

And Porches...

But the Majority Drives Fords and GMC's. Pick Ups that is.

Wait. You don't know where Vermont is?

No. It is not part of Canada.

Did they teach you U.S. Geography in 6th Grade?

I guess not. Where did you come from? Massachussets.

Oh. You are right. MA is the center of the universe. Why would you have to learn about anyone else?

Oh...and BTW. The hole point of this was to tell you that the Greatful Dead, is a purple Drink.

Thank you and good night.

Podcast

2005-11-07T21:21:00.000-05:00

Here is the recording of my first show. Please tell your friends about it, and send me any suggestions you might have.

This is my first attempt at using Podcast. It seems pretty involved to me right now, and not one of the easiest process to understand. But I am getting it.

All the music I wrote myself, and that's what this post is about mostly. I try to have a couple interviews with people but that goes sour. I also experience the phenomenon of dead air more then once, but am able to cut some of it out with post editing. All the software and manipulation I have done myself. It's really been an educational experience up until now and there is so much more to come. Now, do I have to get a paying day job is I am doing all this work. :-) I really look forward to hearing from you other pod casters and getting advice, or criticism about what can be done better.

Download my podcast here

Thanks...

Where too now Captain?

2005-08-11T23:55:00.000-04:00

So, dating is hard to do, and breaking up is my forte. I love getting into a relationship about as much as I like getting out of one. Working out the details, never been good for me. If you are going to bitch at me, and snap at me, and just irritate me in general, then I'll send you packing. Or I'll go packing. One or the other.

So, where too now? Well, I have had a successful adult career of failure. What is the job title and industry for that?

I haven't stepped off yet...

2005-08-11T23:49:00.000-04:00

I can't quite get it into my head to write something deep and meaningful here. Still haveing trouble with realtionships. I would like to consult someone proffesional about this, but I don't feel that I have the time. What to do next?

Where does it go from here?

2005-04-27T17:22:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I am no longer a Post Man if you hadn't gathered. Actually, I am a bartender now at several of the fine theaters in the Greater City area.

So, today at work I met this totally cool young woman. I think I am really into her, but after the recent break up, I really just want to take it slow. I am not looking to rush into anything, and want to make sure I get all the information I need up front before I move on. I will probably read my dating book, to see what it says I should do.

What the F*CK! I am going to dinner tonight with two friends of mine. My one friend wrote to tell me that it is going to be pizza and that they want me to fix there computer. That's good for me. I need to grow my clientele and since I am good at what I do, and they are making me dinner, what the hell.

Well, how long should you wait before you ask a girl for her number?

Gotta Go To Work

2005-04-27T12:03:00.000-04:00

I am going to be late to work, but I just wanted to write a little something. Does not having sex for a long time determine your sexuality one way or the other, or does it just mean you are insecure? This has been a topic of discussion amongest my friends for a while now. SOMEBODY SEND ME THE ANSWERS!!!!

How the hell did I get here, and why is everyone telling me to see a therapist?

2005-04-17T22:53:00.000-04:00

It's been forever. Not that I suppose many people have graced these pages. Good. This is an occasional past time for me, but I believe that I will be writing in it more now that I have been dumped. Have I been officially dumped or am I just Assuming? Assuming of course. That is my second favorite past time and during time.

My friend Jess, who also has a blog on here, has inspired me to blog again. Of course she will most likely be one of the only people that I tell about this Blog site. So what happened today?

Well, I left my girl friends house, and she didn't really seem to care that I was leaving. I felt the coldness in the air, and decided to go out where it was warm. I had on my cashmere jacket. Cashmere is thick and heavy, and I like it. I wonder if they had cashmere in dickens time? After leaving and hitting the side walk, I thought about T____'s and mine's last encounter. Over the last couple weeks she has become less and less interested in me it seems, and I have become crazier and crazier around people in public.

For example, the other night we went to a friends party in Brooklyn. I was already in a bad mood because of work, and the fact that T_____ had invited people to come with us didn't help the situation much. Of course the whole situation, my melencholyness, and me ignoring these people on the way to the party was inexcusable and completely my fault. However, when will I find a woman that understands me?

So, we get to Brookie-lyn and I call a friend to find out where the party is. T____ is mad at me because I am ignoring her and her friend, and she starts verbally assaulting me and saying things like, "Do you even want us here? Do you even want us to come to the party with you?" 'No.' I thought in my head, but did not have the courage to blurt it out. I was already thinking about the girls in there that I could possibly hit on, and was now loosing the opportunity because my so called "girlfriend" was with me. Why so called?

Well, we have never actually really talked about the status of our relationship. Bits and pieces here and there. Is it necessary to talk about the relationship between two people? Absolutely. Does it happen in my relationships? Not very often. Is this because I am a coward, a jerk, or a scared bastard? Probably a little of all three.

So, we are at the party, and I start my craziness right off the bat. The man of the hour, it is his birthday, introduces me to his lady friend, and an other girl Casey. Instantly you can feel the chemistry between Casey and I and we start talking immediately. Perhaps she gets my rye, sarcastic, dramatic, morbid sense of humor right off and maybe not. But she talks to me for a while, and I feel very confident that she likes me. I definitely was into her, and was trying to think of ways of not telling her that I had a girlfriend. Of course, when I introduced T_____ I did not say that she was my girlfriend. What an asshole right?

Well, I feel the guilt today. She has not called me today, and probably won't. Dragging on relationships is a good idea. If you are sick of somebody, end it and move on. This is not what I did, and I will pay the price. In fact I am. I would like to think that I am a good guy, the Adam Sandler type, but who knows. My friends, well wait. What friends? Pity party, no. Do people call me to hang out. Not really. Then again, I don't really call anyone to hang out either. Anyhow, the people that I know are discombobulate, and are in separate loops, in separate locations, spread out across the globe, and I keep them separate. Why do I do this?

I am not sure and that has been the on going question of the day. Why did I keep T_____ hidden from my family? Was it because I was embarrassed that she was my girlfriend? Nobody asked me really, and I think it stems more from the fact that I have had so many girlfriends in the past that didn't pan out, who I introduced to my family, and I didn't want this one to be the same. Rather, I didn't want to introduce someone that was just going to leave me anyway. This, subsequently was probably not the best way to look at things either.

If you think that a relationship is not worth introducing to your love ones, then it is not worth being in. More likely it is worth being in, but you are being very rude, and inconsiderate of both parties. Not introducing people to other people, shows a lack of courteously. Man...I feel like an idiot.

Ok, that's enough of that for now.

2004-09-26T15:53:00.000-04:00

My Redneck Face

Burger King or Wendies

2004-05-16T10:20:00.000-04:00

Being a postman has it's advantages. Like knowing every street in a city and hence never getting lost again. If you are one of those people that gets lost easily in a city, or even in your back yard, you should become a postman or woman for 6 months.
Yesterday, Frank and I went to dinner at burger king. Because of or meager earnings, this tends to be the dining of choice. I had two coupons for sanwiches and I suggested that we use them. We had gone to Wendy's the day before and the meal had only cost us $8.45. For that price I had fries, chili, a burger sandwhich and a drink. Frank had the same substitute chicken nuggets for the chili. Yesterday, we spent $12.01 at BK, and that was with the coupons. Clearly Wendy's is a much better deal. Regardless, the fries at BK are better. I would buy the salads at either place, but a salad alone cost more then a burger, which doesn't make any sense to me. Lettuce at a supermarket is cheap compared to beef, and that is basically all they put in these fast food salads. I think that this week I will try to plan ahead and make my lunch before I go to work. Payday is friday, I will have to use my credit card.

Today is graduation at the Local college. This girl I was seeing will be leaving tomorrow. I am not really sure how to define our relationship, because it was purely physical. These kind of relationships never last long, and leave you feeling more empty then before. But I am young, and will probably continue on like this for several more years. I've given up looking for "the one".

Another Day on the Job

2004-05-13T17:49:00.000-04:00

Being a post man has its advantages. I get to be the first to view every new Victoria's Secret cover model that goes out the PO doors. Getting to drive a right hand drive vehicle, and spending all day out side also are some of the perks.
Disadvantages. On any given day I hear about three or four cliche phrases that have come about in five or six varying forms. "Please don't put any bills in the box," which also comes in such flavors as "Don't want any bills," "Don't give me the mail if there are any bills in there," and my personal favorite "Is there anything good in there or just bills." I reply with what I am thinking, how should I know, but it would be just the same if I said, same shit different day.

People also don't under stand that the mail doesn't always come the same time every day. But no matter what you tell them, if the mail came yesterday at 1:15, then why is it showing up today at 2:30? The biggest colperates residing in the family of mailnotontimeleas are the people in the old folks home. One in particular. I'll walk in with three obviously heavy crates of unsorted mail, and this women will be sitting by the mailboxes. "Can I get my mail," she snaps with her shriveled up face. I explain to her that it is not sorted out and it will take me about half an hour. "Well, paul would have my mail for me. He would have it all sorted out and hand it to me. Where is paul? Why isn't he working any more? What happened to him? He was so friendly..." Blah, BLah, Blah. I turn and open the boxes and begin filling them with mail. I am beggining to understand where the term going postal comes from.

The people in the post office are fine. The people out on the streets can be some thing of a different sort. Bring them good news, or just their mail and they love you. Bring them bad news or just their mail, and they verbally lash you.